He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
