Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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