the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
