she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
