i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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