Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have aggressive nipples.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
