here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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