It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
