I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sorry about my life...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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