I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
