Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize