yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
