So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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