I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
