Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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