Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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