our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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