I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
