Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
