just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
