Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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