Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Someone shattered a urinal.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
