I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Randomize
