i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
