If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think i have two assholes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
