I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
