I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
