There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
