She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
