why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
