he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
