Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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