Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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