There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize