I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
