so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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