How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
