do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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