How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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