how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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