If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my being single is dangerous.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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