I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bring me that man meat
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
