I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
