Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
