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I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize