brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
