my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
