please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
