She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We named our party play list daddy issues
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
