ya dads aren't the best wingmen
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
