i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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