You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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