"it" just moved
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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