just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
