What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
this hospital has no fireball
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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