The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
