Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
where are my eyebrows?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
