Define "chronic" masturbator.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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