we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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