How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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