Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
