She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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