What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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