The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
