I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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