you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
