sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Let's get the cat blown out
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
