Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
