New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
