guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize